Dorothy Fields, Jerome Kern, 1936

A fine romance, with no kisses
A fine romance, my friend this is
We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes
But you're as cold as yesterday's mashed potatoes

A fine romance, you won't nestle
A fine romance, you won't wrestle
I might as well play bridge
With my old maid aunts
I haven't got a chance
This is a fine romance

A fine romance, my good fellow
You take romance, I'll take Jello
You're calmer than the seals in the Arctic Ocean
At least they flap their fins to express emotion

A fine romance with no quarrels
With no insults and all morals
I've never mussed the crease
In your blue serge pants
I never get the chance
This is a fine romance
(additional lyrics)
A fine romance, with no kisses
A fine romance my friend this is
We two should be like clams in a dish of chowder
But we just fizz like parts of a Seidlitz powder

A fine romance, whith no clinches
A fine romance, with no pinches
You're just as hard to land as the "Ile de France'
I haven't got a chance
This is a fine romance

A fine romance, my dear Duchess,
Two old fogies who need crutches
True love should have the thrills that a healthy crime has
We don't have half the thrills that the "March of Time' has

A fine romance, my good woman
My strong 'aged-in-the-wood' woman!
You never give the orchids I send a glance
No! You like cactus plants,
This is a fine romance

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